14. HS Junior. SJA.
Hovered in the stereotype of a bookworm. Treks in the mountain of journalism passion. Flaunts in the catwalk of illusion.
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Monday, July 13, 2009
Loser
I hate it when I'm all itchy to start up a new post but then blogger's loading like crap. That will eventually be followed by sloth or mushy construction of words to fabricate a sentence that hinders me from continuing a post. There were random thoughts I was eager to blog about while the day locomoted earlier. See, I was really depressed during English. I was supposed to be the class emcee for the spelling bee in English. It should be whoever was qualified for the school's spelling bee last year but unfortunately none of my classmates were. "O, since Kristelle is good in English, don't join the game na lang. You'll be the scorer." My cheeks invisibly blushed out of glee. The compliment was overwhelming but I was reluctant since for the past two years, I was prohibited to join such because I'm a VOX staffer (and since the publications' spearheading the event annually, you get the point why.) It did not occurred to me that I never even joined any spelling shenanigans in my life yet. And that made the furor pulled more vehemently. Mrs. Sia probably saw a hint of verity in my pleading so she designated Oswald to do what I mentioned instead. The quiz is actually a dyad game. I was paired with Ruzzel and I'm a bit confident with his schema because I knew he also has a knack with the language.
Thirty minutes ticked in the clock, my face was portraying a grotesque model of glum. We scored 16 points. 16 friggin' points. We ranked third but that speaks non-sensical because all that's been bannering in my eyes were those big fat numbers taunting my lost. I'm not melancholic about losing against my other classmates. It's more like losing versus myself. And the more poignant part of it is that it wasn't vague that Mrs. Sia was disappointed with me. After all these months (since Sophomore year) she was so certain how I practically memorized the hustle and bustle of the English language, here I am, standing as a loser.
Of all the things that could betray me, it needs to be English. English. The universal language I mastered since juvenile year. One vivid thing my dad wanted me, is to be excellent with the language. He wants me to behold his culture and be a true-blue American though both of my feet are firmly planted in this demented country.
And I let him down. Moreoever, I let myself down.
Where's my dignity? It's seemed to perished in abrupt.
Thirty minutes ticked in the clock, my face was portraying a grotesque model of glum. We scored 16 points. 16 friggin' points. We ranked third but that speaks non-sensical because all that's been bannering in my eyes were those big fat numbers taunting my lost. I'm not melancholic about losing against my other classmates. It's more like losing versus myself. And the more poignant part of it is that it wasn't vague that Mrs. Sia was disappointed with me. After all these months (since Sophomore year) she was so certain how I practically memorized the hustle and bustle of the English language, here I am, standing as a loser.
Of all the things that could betray me, it needs to be English. English. The universal language I mastered since juvenile year. One vivid thing my dad wanted me, is to be excellent with the language. He wants me to behold his culture and be a true-blue American though both of my feet are firmly planted in this demented country.
And I let him down. Moreoever, I let myself down.
Where's my dignity? It's seemed to perished in abrupt.
Labels: Negativity
Sunday, July 12, 2009
When days gets felicitous
While the speakers scream to the tune of Taylor Swift's Forever & Always (my latest ear-candy I'm soberly head over heels upon,) my chest is brimming of genuine happiness. It's as if I just heaved out all the negative impediments I usually possess and just solely cogitate on my sunny disposition. Now this is the true verge of being happy, I must say.
I was supposed to blog last Friday but it seems like my schedule is so rigorous for the past days. Oswald told me "Busy-busyhan ka lang!" which I promptly argued about. Between school works (have I mentioned there are tons?), my class secretary duties (which I must emphasize is arduous considering I'm a neophyte in the field,) VOX priorities (that I utterly love and doesn't absorb as a burden,) finishing a borrowed novel (that downright defines my identity), and juggling my time to bond with my family and friends - I barely have time to breathe (I quote Miranda Cosgrove from Drake and Josh.)
I've been attached more to Twitter lately for the fact that I can update it merely with no need of long, featurized novelette to craft. I hooked it up on my phone via Sunalertz so it's convenient to tweet anytime, anywhere. Plus, I enjoy receiving tweets from celebrities and friends. For all of you who doesn't have an account on Twitter yet, well then you're prolly living under a rock.
Last Friday, I was really bummed out during our Arts period. We were tackling about the art of Egypt and as an accompaniment activity, our class will have a photo exhibit, conveying what I mentioned. Last week, we were divided into separate groups and my co-members unanimously voted me to be their leader. I was probably overwhelmed or frankly, I'm really just sometimes slow and stupidity is inevitable. My interpretation of what to do was incorrect and days had past, I was calm because I knew our presentation is secured. Friday came, the other groups have different aesthetic features while ours stood simple, plain and boring. I was emotionally volatile I knew tears would sprung anytime soon but I hold my horses not to do so. I wouldn't want to commence a ruckus anyways. Recess followed and my depression's in the utmost pedestal. I've been curious if Twitter's not banned in our school's MIS center and I badly need a psychological valve to transcend my dismay that time. I thought, that was the perfect time to figure if it does work but Yeye cheered me up before I can waste any monetary (the MIS center charges a peso per minute of Internet usage. I KNOW RIGHT. MORBID.) Thanks, Yeye. :)
Our first club activity was scheduled that afternoon. I'm really happy that I made a wise decision not to leave Booklovers for Rhetorician Club. I know I carved my niche there already and Mrs. Garcia, our moderator, promised that she will appoint me as the Vice President, so that kept my hopes high. We have lots of new members this year. The hollowed room of III-San Lorenzo that used to be hovered by meekness last year was altered under a cloak of chaos. We elected a new set of officers and discussed about the future activities we shall do for the year.
Club hour ended and before I head to the VOX office for our weekly meeting, Alyssa and I went to Ms. Pueblo first to enter our names for Teenpreneur. Teenpreneur is a new program spearheaded by the TLE area where students can start up their own businesses. The mechanics aren't vivid yet but the initial description of it tickled my interest already so I didn't have second-thoughts whether to join or not. I'll just keep my fingers crossed for me to be accepted.
At VOX, we laid down our updates for the first issue like what we religiously do every week. I was running to and fro the roof deck and the GS faculty though, searching for Mr. Bernardo and Mr. Elamparo for my news articles. AND IT'S WEIRD THAT I HAD BEEN ATTENDING THE BASKETBALL BOYS VARSITY TRAINING THRICE THIS WEEK. Hah. Contemplate on what the hell does that mean. :) Rain started pouring when we were about to leave the school's premises to eat at McDonald's. It rained vigorously moments later so we were stucked at the faculty for a few minutes. That day, the male teachers also wore long-sleeved shirts for some apparent, cryptic reasons. And while were there, they're were having photo ops!
My adviser is the one standing second to the right. He is a really funny guy and I'm glad that I'm under his advisory.
Of all the bad luck I could possibly be granted, I left my umbrella at home. The streets were minimally flooded already and rain's still consistently yielding. We finally decided to ride the trike to our destination. Thank goodness, my occasional claustrophobia did not attacked or else enigma will grumble. Ate Kaymie, Ate Kakay and I were squeezing off our butts in the little vehicle.
Here are the photos from that post-merienda-slash-pre-dinner treat of VOX courtesy of the publications' budget! Haha:
It was fun. With the concoction of food + Extra Large Fries + kuwentos about random things under the sun + and (!) Sir Zap's queries about our respective love lifes, my love for VOX became more robust. :) I got home at 7pm that night, missing an awaited-episode of Boys Over Flowers and soaking wet, but it was all worth it.
I've been waiting for months, technically, for July 11th to come along. The trailer of Hannah Montana: the Movie was out since last year but t'was only now that it finally landed by the local shores. I saved up for weeks for me not to depend on my grandma or my parents' money anymore just to see this film. I was ready. My furor is teeming and I'm ecstatically giddy. The drive was long but Twitter, being handy, kept me company. We bought the tickets and the show will start at 3pm. We were about to grab snacks when I was suddenly poked from the back, appalled to see my cousin Dete Jhoan whom I haven't seen for a month! She was all busy with school and I, on the other hand, as well so I was really happy to see her. Apparently, her boyfriend, Alvin, will pick her up there because they'll be doing their thesis in a friend's house. Before she left, she treated us with cheeseburger and fries. :) And I am just so thankful. :)
As I perched on the moviehouse, the excitedness is still not perishing. Various trailers hit the screen - some of which I have plans to watch - but nothing can beat my yearning for HM for the time being. Then, it finally started. The lights dimmed and the magical logo of Disney movies rolled in the screen. I know this may probably sound weird, low and just plainly eccentric to say, but I can't help but to bring myself into tears when Hannah's already singing during the concert scene. It was just like retrospect the HSM movie. I guess the adrenaline's the one to blame. And oh boy, don't forget the goosebumps. They were sprouting all over. The movie ended with a smile plastered on my face. My chronic disease of getting a bad case of hang-over eveytime I see a good movie is of course present. Earlier, I was feeling guilty for ditching my other commitments (i.e.: VOX lay-outing & a visit to a friend's father's wake) but then, I read a quote that says "Sometimes, you need to forget what you feel and start focusing on what you deserve." And just coming to think of it, I DO DESERVE THIS. I've been working my butt off indefatigably since classes resumed and I need a day of pure fun for me to unwhine.
We went to Powerbooks afterwards to grab an issue of Candy. That's when I laid my eyes upon Miley Cyrus' book called Miles to Go which I have been eyeing for so long! It's her autobiography in hardbound that unfortunately, costs a fortune. I SHALL SAVE MONEY SOON.
Billy Crawford's mall show will start in less than an hour after that. My grandma's such a fan that she insisted for us to watch it. For some reasons, the guard or whatever you call him, permitted us to sit inside the concert hall for free! My grandma immediately embraced the chance. Aaahh. Billy's voice is so alluring. He's knack for performing's divine. We then had dinner after that and headed home eventually. Rain wasn't that hard back there but flood was massive here in Malabon. The storm is also visible but I in a peculiar way, I liked it. It's like a symphony of glee that makes me feel secured.
* I don't care if my writing was crappy. I just want to remember how jubilant, and carefree I was. :)
I was supposed to blog last Friday but it seems like my schedule is so rigorous for the past days. Oswald told me "Busy-busyhan ka lang!" which I promptly argued about. Between school works (have I mentioned there are tons?), my class secretary duties (which I must emphasize is arduous considering I'm a neophyte in the field,) VOX priorities (that I utterly love and doesn't absorb as a burden,) finishing a borrowed novel (that downright defines my identity), and juggling my time to bond with my family and friends - I barely have time to breathe (I quote Miranda Cosgrove from Drake and Josh.)
I've been attached more to Twitter lately for the fact that I can update it merely with no need of long, featurized novelette to craft. I hooked it up on my phone via Sunalertz so it's convenient to tweet anytime, anywhere. Plus, I enjoy receiving tweets from celebrities and friends. For all of you who doesn't have an account on Twitter yet, well then you're prolly living under a rock.
Last Friday, I was really bummed out during our Arts period. We were tackling about the art of Egypt and as an accompaniment activity, our class will have a photo exhibit, conveying what I mentioned. Last week, we were divided into separate groups and my co-members unanimously voted me to be their leader. I was probably overwhelmed or frankly, I'm really just sometimes slow and stupidity is inevitable. My interpretation of what to do was incorrect and days had past, I was calm because I knew our presentation is secured. Friday came, the other groups have different aesthetic features while ours stood simple, plain and boring. I was emotionally volatile I knew tears would sprung anytime soon but I hold my horses not to do so. I wouldn't want to commence a ruckus anyways. Recess followed and my depression's in the utmost pedestal. I've been curious if Twitter's not banned in our school's MIS center and I badly need a psychological valve to transcend my dismay that time. I thought, that was the perfect time to figure if it does work but Yeye cheered me up before I can waste any monetary (the MIS center charges a peso per minute of Internet usage. I KNOW RIGHT. MORBID.) Thanks, Yeye. :)
Our first club activity was scheduled that afternoon. I'm really happy that I made a wise decision not to leave Booklovers for Rhetorician Club. I know I carved my niche there already and Mrs. Garcia, our moderator, promised that she will appoint me as the Vice President, so that kept my hopes high. We have lots of new members this year. The hollowed room of III-San Lorenzo that used to be hovered by meekness last year was altered under a cloak of chaos. We elected a new set of officers and discussed about the future activities we shall do for the year.
Club hour ended and before I head to the VOX office for our weekly meeting, Alyssa and I went to Ms. Pueblo first to enter our names for Teenpreneur. Teenpreneur is a new program spearheaded by the TLE area where students can start up their own businesses. The mechanics aren't vivid yet but the initial description of it tickled my interest already so I didn't have second-thoughts whether to join or not. I'll just keep my fingers crossed for me to be accepted.
At VOX, we laid down our updates for the first issue like what we religiously do every week. I was running to and fro the roof deck and the GS faculty though, searching for Mr. Bernardo and Mr. Elamparo for my news articles. AND IT'S WEIRD THAT I HAD BEEN ATTENDING THE BASKETBALL BOYS VARSITY TRAINING THRICE THIS WEEK. Hah. Contemplate on what the hell does that mean. :) Rain started pouring when we were about to leave the school's premises to eat at McDonald's. It rained vigorously moments later so we were stucked at the faculty for a few minutes. That day, the male teachers also wore long-sleeved shirts for some apparent, cryptic reasons. And while were there, they're were having photo ops!
My adviser is the one standing second to the right. He is a really funny guy and I'm glad that I'm under his advisory.
Of all the bad luck I could possibly be granted, I left my umbrella at home. The streets were minimally flooded already and rain's still consistently yielding. We finally decided to ride the trike to our destination. Thank goodness, my occasional claustrophobia did not attacked or else enigma will grumble. Ate Kaymie, Ate Kakay and I were squeezing off our butts in the little vehicle.
Here are the photos from that post-merienda-slash-pre-dinner treat of VOX courtesy of the publications' budget! Haha:
It was fun. With the concoction of food + Extra Large Fries + kuwentos about random things under the sun + and (!) Sir Zap's queries about our respective love lifes, my love for VOX became more robust. :) I got home at 7pm that night, missing an awaited-episode of Boys Over Flowers and soaking wet, but it was all worth it.
I've been waiting for months, technically, for July 11th to come along. The trailer of Hannah Montana: the Movie was out since last year but t'was only now that it finally landed by the local shores. I saved up for weeks for me not to depend on my grandma or my parents' money anymore just to see this film. I was ready. My furor is teeming and I'm ecstatically giddy. The drive was long but Twitter, being handy, kept me company. We bought the tickets and the show will start at 3pm. We were about to grab snacks when I was suddenly poked from the back, appalled to see my cousin Dete Jhoan whom I haven't seen for a month! She was all busy with school and I, on the other hand, as well so I was really happy to see her. Apparently, her boyfriend, Alvin, will pick her up there because they'll be doing their thesis in a friend's house. Before she left, she treated us with cheeseburger and fries. :) And I am just so thankful. :)
As I perched on the moviehouse, the excitedness is still not perishing. Various trailers hit the screen - some of which I have plans to watch - but nothing can beat my yearning for HM for the time being. Then, it finally started. The lights dimmed and the magical logo of Disney movies rolled in the screen. I know this may probably sound weird, low and just plainly eccentric to say, but I can't help but to bring myself into tears when Hannah's already singing during the concert scene. It was just like retrospect the HSM movie. I guess the adrenaline's the one to blame. And oh boy, don't forget the goosebumps. They were sprouting all over. The movie ended with a smile plastered on my face. My chronic disease of getting a bad case of hang-over eveytime I see a good movie is of course present. Earlier, I was feeling guilty for ditching my other commitments (i.e.: VOX lay-outing & a visit to a friend's father's wake) but then, I read a quote that says "Sometimes, you need to forget what you feel and start focusing on what you deserve." And just coming to think of it, I DO DESERVE THIS. I've been working my butt off indefatigably since classes resumed and I need a day of pure fun for me to unwhine.
We went to Powerbooks afterwards to grab an issue of Candy. That's when I laid my eyes upon Miley Cyrus' book called Miles to Go which I have been eyeing for so long! It's her autobiography in hardbound that unfortunately, costs a fortune. I SHALL SAVE MONEY SOON.
Billy Crawford's mall show will start in less than an hour after that. My grandma's such a fan that she insisted for us to watch it. For some reasons, the guard or whatever you call him, permitted us to sit inside the concert hall for free! My grandma immediately embraced the chance. Aaahh. Billy's voice is so alluring. He's knack for performing's divine. We then had dinner after that and headed home eventually. Rain wasn't that hard back there but flood was massive here in Malabon. The storm is also visible but I in a peculiar way, I liked it. It's like a symphony of glee that makes me feel secured.
* I don't care if my writing was crappy. I just want to remember how jubilant, and carefree I was. :)
Labels: Euphoria
Sunday, July 5, 2009
A quote that made me smiled today
YOU ARE PRETTY! GO GIRL!"
Oh yes.Perhaps, this is the aftermath of reading Claire Betita's No Boyfriend Since Birth. NOT THAT I HAD A BOYFRIEND BEFORE, but it's downright an eye-opener. I'm still young. C'mon, I'm barely on the utmost of my teen-dom. What the hell will I lose if I cling to melancholy? NONE. So yeah. I'mma enjoy whatever life pours to me. :)
** I was kidding in the photo, you guys. I HAVE A BIG NOSE, DO I? :)
Labels: Euphoria
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Hey! It was enlightening
It's 7:41PM on a Thursday night and I am utterly sleepy. Chronically had seven hours of slumber for the past days although the word 'busy' could not be clinged next to my persona. Homeworks weren't teeming as worst as it was before, but priorities to attend's taking toll.
Earlier this morning, I opened my eyes, still weary and had a feeling resembling UV rays aftermath due to a hefty call of slumber. I try my best to give tongue to the cliche "another day, another dollar" everytime I step foot out of our house onto the vagueness of yet another encounter in reality. It was an icon of motivation, which like I mentioned, I'm superbly anemic of. I hailed a jeepney and rode it while heaving a sigh. Music was thumping from the vehicle and I was appalled to see a portable DVD player displayed near the driver. It was Michael Jackson. Who else? It was a concert back when God-knows-when and it was his turn to sing "Heal the World." It's frankly a very moving song. Anytime soon, I know I'm capacitated to yield tears and the hustle and bustle of the streets aren't present in my realm. Instead, it was only me, Michael and the music. The jeepney stopped by several blocks after and a girl in a familiar shade of green skirt climbed up. It was my friend and classmate, Bianca. We always get these co-incidents occasionally and I was relieved for her presence that impeded the water works.
Managed to go to school before I get late. I even entered in Gate 2 because I'm soberly entertained watching MJ's concert. I went straight ahead to our classroom but I was welcomed by nobody. I immediately knew though that they're already lined up in the grounds for the Flag Ceremony. It was our first time this school year to have the morning rites there so I'm clueless on where on Earth is our section's line is. I saw Claudine at the foyer and she accompanied me afterwards.
We had shortened periods. Thirty minutes per subject. It's all due to the song practice later in the afternoon for the first Friday mass on the morrow. Time is ticking by too past. And my mind is pre-occupied with things to accomplish. And ho-hums.
Our last period was homeroom but Ate Kim and Ate Ecka came to excuse Oswald and I. Apparently, we had an urgent VOX meeting cohered with the SCC (Student Coordinating Council) officers at the VOX office. Earlier during recess, there was a rumor swarming beyond the four corners of the school that someone written down an awful statement about our new principal at the reeky boys lavatory in the second floor. It was written in the mirror using a permanent marker. Of course, it's cryptic. No one would dare admit the deed. I am not sure though if it had reach the principal herself but Gaza told us that she called us abruptly for a meeting at 1pm.
Butterflies attacked my stomach all of a sudden.
Not that I was guilty (foremostly, if I did it, why use that stinky boys' lav?) but because being a VOX staffer, we are considered as the leaders of the studentry. And if the principal will direct us this issue, were dead meat.
After lunch (I didn't have lunch though because Yeye, Paulo and I just spent our time chilling in the library. Oh, we miss that place!), it's already time for the assembly. I together with Oswald went at the Holy Family Chapel first as what Gaza instructed us to do so. Kaayy there was something...well...I cannot really consider it nerve-tickling but it was great. Haha. Thank you, Niel? Naah. I don't know. Okay so anyways, when were all finally gathered, we went down to the Audio Visual Room for the said meeting.
It was, after roughly thirty minutes did the principal herself showed up. I don't know what decorous thing to run in my mind. I seriously don't want to be judgemental just because of the innumerable reactions about her administration. Yet, I solely want to give her a chance.
She remembered me. T'was when she was explaining why did she separated TLE classes for boys and girls that she hurled the question to us. I raised my hand. I'm confidently definite what to mutter since I was attentively listening when Ms. Pueblo, my TLE teacher, discussed it in class. She inquired my name and so I responded. Aah, I remember you. This girl is smart. I interviewed her for VOX last summer. Woah. Was that compliment supposed to get my head knocked to be soft? Well, it is my weakness after all.
After that half and an hour meeting, my mindset was altered. Say, brain-washed but in my perspective, was in a good way. I was finally ameliorated with her side. And she downright has a good point.
My co-VOX people weren't that pleased though. It was all kaplastikan so they say. I have a hard time though deciphering what is veracious or not but in the most unfathomable brink of my heart, I knew somehow, she was honest.
The good news on the other hand, when Mr. Garcia, distributed the flow chart for the schools' activities this school year...
the first thing I laid my eyes upon were the texts conveying FEBRUARY: HS - JUNIOR AND SENIOR PROM NIGHT.
And you don't know how massively loud was I internally screaming.
Finally.
It was a good day. Nothing big, but hey! It was enlightening. And prom? Ooh. Dreams do come true, eh?
* Happy birthday to Lindsay Lohan, Ashley Tisdale and to my fabulous friend Rachel. :)
Earlier this morning, I opened my eyes, still weary and had a feeling resembling UV rays aftermath due to a hefty call of slumber. I try my best to give tongue to the cliche "another day, another dollar" everytime I step foot out of our house onto the vagueness of yet another encounter in reality. It was an icon of motivation, which like I mentioned, I'm superbly anemic of. I hailed a jeepney and rode it while heaving a sigh. Music was thumping from the vehicle and I was appalled to see a portable DVD player displayed near the driver. It was Michael Jackson. Who else? It was a concert back when God-knows-when and it was his turn to sing "Heal the World." It's frankly a very moving song. Anytime soon, I know I'm capacitated to yield tears and the hustle and bustle of the streets aren't present in my realm. Instead, it was only me, Michael and the music. The jeepney stopped by several blocks after and a girl in a familiar shade of green skirt climbed up. It was my friend and classmate, Bianca. We always get these co-incidents occasionally and I was relieved for her presence that impeded the water works.
Managed to go to school before I get late. I even entered in Gate 2 because I'm soberly entertained watching MJ's concert. I went straight ahead to our classroom but I was welcomed by nobody. I immediately knew though that they're already lined up in the grounds for the Flag Ceremony. It was our first time this school year to have the morning rites there so I'm clueless on where on Earth is our section's line is. I saw Claudine at the foyer and she accompanied me afterwards.
We had shortened periods. Thirty minutes per subject. It's all due to the song practice later in the afternoon for the first Friday mass on the morrow. Time is ticking by too past. And my mind is pre-occupied with things to accomplish. And ho-hums.
Our last period was homeroom but Ate Kim and Ate Ecka came to excuse Oswald and I. Apparently, we had an urgent VOX meeting cohered with the SCC (Student Coordinating Council) officers at the VOX office. Earlier during recess, there was a rumor swarming beyond the four corners of the school that someone written down an awful statement about our new principal at the reeky boys lavatory in the second floor. It was written in the mirror using a permanent marker. Of course, it's cryptic. No one would dare admit the deed. I am not sure though if it had reach the principal herself but Gaza told us that she called us abruptly for a meeting at 1pm.
Butterflies attacked my stomach all of a sudden.
Not that I was guilty (foremostly, if I did it, why use that stinky boys' lav?) but because being a VOX staffer, we are considered as the leaders of the studentry. And if the principal will direct us this issue, were dead meat.
After lunch (I didn't have lunch though because Yeye, Paulo and I just spent our time chilling in the library. Oh, we miss that place!), it's already time for the assembly. I together with Oswald went at the Holy Family Chapel first as what Gaza instructed us to do so. Kaayy there was something...well...I cannot really consider it nerve-tickling but it was great. Haha. Thank you, Niel? Naah. I don't know. Okay so anyways, when were all finally gathered, we went down to the Audio Visual Room for the said meeting.
It was, after roughly thirty minutes did the principal herself showed up. I don't know what decorous thing to run in my mind. I seriously don't want to be judgemental just because of the innumerable reactions about her administration. Yet, I solely want to give her a chance.
She remembered me. T'was when she was explaining why did she separated TLE classes for boys and girls that she hurled the question to us. I raised my hand. I'm confidently definite what to mutter since I was attentively listening when Ms. Pueblo, my TLE teacher, discussed it in class. She inquired my name and so I responded. Aah, I remember you. This girl is smart. I interviewed her for VOX last summer. Woah. Was that compliment supposed to get my head knocked to be soft? Well, it is my weakness after all.
After that half and an hour meeting, my mindset was altered. Say, brain-washed but in my perspective, was in a good way. I was finally ameliorated with her side. And she downright has a good point.
My co-VOX people weren't that pleased though. It was all kaplastikan so they say. I have a hard time though deciphering what is veracious or not but in the most unfathomable brink of my heart, I knew somehow, she was honest.
The good news on the other hand, when Mr. Garcia, distributed the flow chart for the schools' activities this school year...
the first thing I laid my eyes upon were the texts conveying FEBRUARY: HS - JUNIOR AND SENIOR PROM NIGHT.
And you don't know how massively loud was I internally screaming.
Finally.
It was a good day. Nothing big, but hey! It was enlightening. And prom? Ooh. Dreams do come true, eh?
* Happy birthday to Lindsay Lohan, Ashley Tisdale and to my fabulous friend Rachel. :)
Labels: School Stuffs
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I just want to let my thoughts out
Motivation. We all need the mentioned word like a fuel to keep us all running. It's like that magical substance that pushes us to be indefatigable at all cause. Before I explicate what I would like to cogitate upon ladies and gents, let me first tell you my oath not to delete anything I write, type or thinking about including in this post.
Motivation. Probably next to my five major wishes, peace of mind, and books, this is the fourth thing I had always opt for. "I want to thank all those guys who put a color in my High School life. Of course, it will be such a drag to come to school everyday without someone to look forward to, right?" quoting an inexact line from a valedictory address I once read. Imagine, she herself uttered factual words that although her stereotype is probably the female counterpart of Edward Cullen, needs that certain motivation to get moving.
In my perspective though, if blood is to be compared with motivation, then I'm probably utmost anemic right now. No matter how hard I stick into my head that doing the best I can in school will repay my parents' innumerable hardships of sending me to a good school doesn't get me anywhere near motivated. When Junior year started, I armed myself to be physically, emotionally and mentally ready to do well with my studies. But apparently, I was too pre-occupied that got me sick for these past days. I still went to school on Monday but that only made matters worse so I got home burning with a 40.2 temperature. Now, after two days, I'm here, sat infront of the desktop, eyes blanketed with protective wayfarers for the radiation, fingers rapidly clacking in the keyboard from one letter to another, partially healed, and left blankly motivated.
Let me tell you a short story that occurred in my younger days. I was naive. Never really knew how the stained reality of life works. I was having fun. I was quenching for the fun I was never nourished in my juvenile days since I'm an only child. In short, I was having the time of my life.
Or so I thought. Or so I thought that I am still living in a playground-like paradise that I can exist upon in a free manner. But everything was makeshift. Little did I know that some people were not enjoying it and badmouthing is their business. I wouldn't want to name-drop, merely not to do what they have done alike that left a scar of fright in my heart for almost four years now. They hated me. They never let me explain my side. They never give me the benefit of the doubt. I had the right to remain silent and just be hovered by this phobia now towing in my feet. In my school absence back in those days, there's always something bad that's gonna happen. For some reasons, although I'm clinging to innocence, my name will always be brought up. That's when my phobia started. That's when my paranoia took it's toll on me that if I don't put my best foot forward, I'll be a victim again. So I learn to accomplish people's expectations. I was afraid to fail.
Being that horrified, made me oblivious of the bigger picture - the things I need to prioritize. I became afraid of mingling with other people 'cuz I always thought they'll see bad side of me and eventually distant themselves away. I know I'm not perfect. No one is. But at least I'm trying to be synonymous of it. It's impossible, I know. But it gives an extra kick in my confidence.
Honestly, the last time I romantically noticed an opposite sex was back in the 5th grade. I wouldn't even give up to the infatuation if he didn't liked me first. But that was just petty. It was an offspring of their childish naught. Everything wasn't verity. My initial thought that he likes me is pseudo. Yes, that put my devotions down. I'm seeing girls who's...well...let's say physically challenged but they all have their fair shares of admirers. From the time that phobia bit me, I never had the courage to converse to the opposite sex in a confident way. I'll always stutter; I'll always run out of things to say; and the mother load of all - I'll always feel inferior. I'll always feel that no matter how much I tried to be the best that I can, I'll appear to be a filth.
For three years, I have no motivation. Moreover since I transferred to a new school, I barely knew anyone. It was hard surrendering your trust to people you just met (regarding with the opposite sex, I mean.) Sophomore year came, my motivation bucket is still empty. Everything is still chronically dull. And then I met him. There's no fairy tale story or so, but I met him. He made me eager. In a way, he made me psyched to go to school. Yes. He made me motivated. But that motivation was short-term. He's the kind of guy a tall ladder is necessary to reach his peak. And although the more I try fooling myself, I came to conclusion that, I just like him physically. I never knew him personally. Everything was just plain business. I may have heard quite a lot of positive comments about him but in my own self, I never came across them. So yes, I agree with Taylor Swift I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale...This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town."
So tell me, what shall keep me motivated?
Motivation. Probably next to my five major wishes, peace of mind, and books, this is the fourth thing I had always opt for. "I want to thank all those guys who put a color in my High School life. Of course, it will be such a drag to come to school everyday without someone to look forward to, right?" quoting an inexact line from a valedictory address I once read. Imagine, she herself uttered factual words that although her stereotype is probably the female counterpart of Edward Cullen, needs that certain motivation to get moving.
In my perspective though, if blood is to be compared with motivation, then I'm probably utmost anemic right now. No matter how hard I stick into my head that doing the best I can in school will repay my parents' innumerable hardships of sending me to a good school doesn't get me anywhere near motivated. When Junior year started, I armed myself to be physically, emotionally and mentally ready to do well with my studies. But apparently, I was too pre-occupied that got me sick for these past days. I still went to school on Monday but that only made matters worse so I got home burning with a 40.2 temperature. Now, after two days, I'm here, sat infront of the desktop, eyes blanketed with protective wayfarers for the radiation, fingers rapidly clacking in the keyboard from one letter to another, partially healed, and left blankly motivated.
Let me tell you a short story that occurred in my younger days. I was naive. Never really knew how the stained reality of life works. I was having fun. I was quenching for the fun I was never nourished in my juvenile days since I'm an only child. In short, I was having the time of my life.
Or so I thought. Or so I thought that I am still living in a playground-like paradise that I can exist upon in a free manner. But everything was makeshift. Little did I know that some people were not enjoying it and badmouthing is their business. I wouldn't want to name-drop, merely not to do what they have done alike that left a scar of fright in my heart for almost four years now. They hated me. They never let me explain my side. They never give me the benefit of the doubt. I had the right to remain silent and just be hovered by this phobia now towing in my feet. In my school absence back in those days, there's always something bad that's gonna happen. For some reasons, although I'm clinging to innocence, my name will always be brought up. That's when my phobia started. That's when my paranoia took it's toll on me that if I don't put my best foot forward, I'll be a victim again. So I learn to accomplish people's expectations. I was afraid to fail.
Being that horrified, made me oblivious of the bigger picture - the things I need to prioritize. I became afraid of mingling with other people 'cuz I always thought they'll see bad side of me and eventually distant themselves away. I know I'm not perfect. No one is. But at least I'm trying to be synonymous of it. It's impossible, I know. But it gives an extra kick in my confidence.
Honestly, the last time I romantically noticed an opposite sex was back in the 5th grade. I wouldn't even give up to the infatuation if he didn't liked me first. But that was just petty. It was an offspring of their childish naught. Everything wasn't verity. My initial thought that he likes me is pseudo. Yes, that put my devotions down. I'm seeing girls who's...well...let's say physically challenged but they all have their fair shares of admirers. From the time that phobia bit me, I never had the courage to converse to the opposite sex in a confident way. I'll always stutter; I'll always run out of things to say; and the mother load of all - I'll always feel inferior. I'll always feel that no matter how much I tried to be the best that I can, I'll appear to be a filth.
For three years, I have no motivation. Moreover since I transferred to a new school, I barely knew anyone. It was hard surrendering your trust to people you just met (regarding with the opposite sex, I mean.) Sophomore year came, my motivation bucket is still empty. Everything is still chronically dull. And then I met him. There's no fairy tale story or so, but I met him. He made me eager. In a way, he made me psyched to go to school. Yes. He made me motivated. But that motivation was short-term. He's the kind of guy a tall ladder is necessary to reach his peak. And although the more I try fooling myself, I came to conclusion that, I just like him physically. I never knew him personally. Everything was just plain business. I may have heard quite a lot of positive comments about him but in my own self, I never came across them. So yes, I agree with Taylor Swift I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale...This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town."
So tell me, what shall keep me motivated?
Labels: Facts Under the Sun